WEDDING

TITLE:   WEDDING

Planning

1.Waiting

2.Butterflys

3.Haka

Writing

Here we were waiting for the bride to come then suddenly a old white rolls royce pulled up everyone was as silent as mice then aunty hopped out she stood out like  a moon by the stars her dress was as white as snow down the aisle she came in nice high heels and a white bouquet of flowers every body was as silent as sleeping babies.

The ceremony was over and they were signing the paper then I got butterflies and it felt like they were going to bust out of me like lava erupting out of a volcano I was as scared as a scardy cat goosebumps slithered silently like a snake down my back as fast as a flash of lightning.

It was time me and my cousin got ready I was going to explode aunty was strolling down the aisle then they stopped  me and my cousin walked out like warriors getting ready to fight we were as loud as a pride of lions we looked as ferocious as a hyena my face was as red as blood finally it was over auntys eyes were pouring down with tears like rain.

Marking

Ideas	Points	Comment
	4	I like how I used my similes.
Miss Baker	3	The start of some ideas in here Otulea and some detail added